Slaving Over A Hot Pan Of Popcorn

Last night, D and me were craving something to snack on as we sat around and were generally useless. his schedule is all messed up because of some overnight work he's had to do, so we were taking a bit of time to relax and play a video game together, it being too late at night to do anything else productive. Gosh, it just hurts me down deep in my soul when I *have* to be lazy. Take a moment with me and wallow in the agony.

Moving on, the snack urge called for something salty and crunchy and fun, which means popcorn! Between turns, I jumped up and threw a few tablespoons of oil into a big pan and a few popcorn kernels, turned it on medium low,and sat my butt back on the couch to play. A few minutes later we heard the pop of the test kernals, and I ran in to put about 1/3rd cup of popcorn kernels into the pan. Please note that by run in, I mean realize I forgot to put the lid on, grab up said lid like a shield, and approach the two unpopped kernels like a ridiculously short gladiator facing down a matched set of starving leopards. The cry of victory as I slammed the lid down over the shimmering oil was not at all melodramatic and/or out of proportion to my feat.

Right! So in the new kernels went, I grabbed the pan off the heat for a count of thirty seconds to let everything warm up nicely, put it back on the heat and sat my butt down again to play until I heard the first pop. Then it was just a minute of watching the popping goodness, shaking it a bit, and tossing some melted butter and salt over the bounty and back to sitting on the couch pretending to take over the world, pixlated style. It took less than 10 minutes from start to finish, half of which I was on the laptop. This incredibly fascinating tale is told as a lead up to this question.

What the heck is the point of microwave popcorn?

Microwave popcorn takes an average of four minutes to cook, stovetop popcorn took me seven. So far, that's the only thing the bagged stuff has over the do it yourself stuff. Stovetop tastes better, doesn't get your fingers all greasy, leaves only one unpopped kernel in the whole batch, and is all evenly cooked with no scorching (unless you just forgot it was on the stove of course). Stovetop also is never gonna give you Popcorn Lung. Not to kick up a fuss, but ain't that a neat and tidy summary of what's gone so wrong with our society? That saving three minutes is worth 10 times the expense, a mediocre product, and a whole new disease?

Try some on the stovetop today if you get the craving, it's one of the laziest ways ever to feel good about what you're eating and your skills in the kitchen. Stovetop popcorn, worth the effort!